Tuesday, February 19, 2008

The Revolution Will Not Be A Podcast


The revolution will not be obtained by pounding back 4 Red Bulls and a breakfast burrito 12 minutes before work starts and hoping the buzz lasts until lunch.

The revolution will not be sung by Bob Geldof, Bono and Al Gore at 110 decibels 75 feet from the stage for 35 dollars a t-shirt, and $2.50 for the bottled water.

The revolution will not be pushed like a downer cow on a forklift into the mass consciousness meat grinder for mental mastication.

The revolution will not be strapped onto a shiny aluminum wing, and dropped upon a rapt citizenry greeting it as a liberator.

The revolution will not be brought to you by anyone who thinks they can put a dollar from your pocket into theirs from it.

The revolution will not be a battle of semiotics, semantics, semi-colons, and who stole which trite stump speech phrase from whom and when.

The revolution will not be handed to you by bank presidents, ex-presidents, or dead presidents as your birthright.

The revolution will not have a zesty catch phrase that will make it easy to 'go viral' on the populace, perhaps with the aid of a nifty jingle or a celebrity pitchman fresh from rehab looking to score.

The revolution will not help you to come to terms with all your traumatic past lives or right the wrongs of previously ignorant generations, but not necessarily those that may include your own bloodline of course.

The revolution will not be on CNN, ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, CPAC or anything else that people sit in front of and listen incuriously to other sitting people telling them what to think.

The revolution will not follow Britney Spears around until she does something zany to amuse you.

The revolution will not be downloaded for free and burned to a cheap CD-R as a way of 'sticking it to the man'.

The revolution will not leave a luscious taste in your mouth like cheap lead paint on a Chinese children's toy.

The revolution will not be supported by anyone who has a vested interest in the status quo, or who wants one just like it for Christmas.

The revolution will not be debated seriously by any pundit intent on playing the incessant game of three-card Monte for fun and profit that passes for political discourse in America.

The revolution is not guaranteed under the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, the Pledge of Allegiance, or the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval.

The revolution will not be emblazoned across a pair of jiggling chesticles or a deliciously curved rump in order to appeal to your lower nature, nor will it help you to find the ideal mate who is sensitive, caring, yet dynamite in the sack.

The revolution will not be offered as a bonus feature on a director's cut DVD, after the blooper reel.

The Revolution will not be a podcast.

The Revolution will be live.


'Respect to the originator'


Blogger M.Yu said...

Gil Scott-Heron would be proud
Great flag too...

My fav line:
"The revolution will not be pushed like a downer cow on a forklift into the mass consciousness meat grinder for mental mastication."

2:49 PM  
Blogger Boxer rebel said...

Fucking amazing.

6:42 PM  
Blogger litbrit said...

And my favorite was this:

The revolution will not be emblazoned across a pair of jiggling chesticles or a deliciously curved rump in order to appeal to your lower nature, nor will it help you to find the ideal mate who is sensitive, caring, yet dynamite in the sack.

Perhaps because it made me visualize a masculine equivalent, which in turn appealed to my lower nature (which happens to be plus-sized).

Or because it so thoroughly encapsulated the absurdity of those young folk who walk around with Che shirts stretched across their Sprog-of-Baby-Boomer frames, their minds completely unsullied by any knowledge whatsoever of what a revolution was, is, or could be.

Perhaps we need to use the word Renaissance, you know, invoke artists and all. Though I imagine they'll still be in the dark, pretty much.

*bangs head on desk*

(Obama just won Wisconsin, btw.)

7:29 PM  
Blogger larue said...

The revolution is here.

In the economy, and in the $BILLIONS we wasted on war, and sole source contracting profiteering.

We're going down.

The revolution, is here.

Watch the homeless counts, if you can FIND any. They will triple by September. IF you can find the info, cuz after all, NO one wants to report about THAT part of the revolution.

Paybacks are gonna be a bitch, all round.

Hold yours close, plan for the worst, hope for better.

9:16 PM  
Blogger fairlane said...

My favorite part will be when it actually happens.

In the meantime, I'll gaze at the Rainbows, and make sure I keep my panties clean.

10:14 PM  
Blogger Batocchio said...

Wait - you mean I might have to do something for this revolution? That wasn't part of the ad! ;-)

(Good piece.)

2:04 AM  
Blogger Comrade Kevin said...

Excellent work expanding upon the work of the master.

Let us all raise our hands and put our powers together to ensure that the revolution will not be televised.

The revolution will not be pessimism disguised as wisdom and it will not be encapsulated in paradoxical thinking and self-fulfilling prophecy.

The revolution will be like all other revolutions that were not televised and thus did not feel compelled to advertise themselves, lest someone miss the point altogether.

The revolution is now.

Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was.

12:02 PM  
Blogger FranIAm said...

You have outdone yourself again.

7:33 PM  
Blogger fairlane said...

Nor will the Revolution start from the top, and work its way down. Nor will it be sparked by rhetorical masturbation or those who put the "Status" in Status Quo.

And the Revolution will not stem from the pulpits of Moralistic Pontificators preaching, "My shit don't stink," and "Shangri-La is just around the corner."

The Revolution's reflection is not in the Lily White faces crowding our college campuses with lollipop dreams of a Bourgeois Utopia.

Revolution doesn't wear sweater vests or drink Merlot with its friends.

Revolution isn't nice, or clean, or pretty, and people don't walk away from it unscathed.

Revolution doesn't wear deodorant or Gap jeans, and it doesn't drive Volvos, or hang out in Coffee Shops talking about "The Man."

Revolution doesn't read Sartre or Marx, and Revolution doesn't have high speed Internet Access or a savings account.

And Revolution doesn't smoke Camel Lights or weed purchased from the Doctor who lives next door.

Revolution doesn't come gift wrapped or with a money back guarantee. And it doesn't come in an envelope along with a $25 check from Aunt Betty.

Revolution doesn't pat itself on the back for helping the "Little Man," it is the "Little Man."

And Revolution isn't "Open Minded," it is honed, focused, and oblivious to any, and all obstructions. It's not drawn up by College Kids sitting in their apartments chiefing Spliffs, and Jacking Off to pictures of their long lost love.

Revolution is often brutal, and bloody leaving a trail of dead in its wake, and it doesn't give a fuck who your daddy is or if you have a Master's degree from "State U."

No, Revolution is not a class, and it cannot be learned.

The Revolution, if it comes, must come from the bottom rising like a volcano, and then, and only then...

12:28 AM  
Blogger Sorghum Crow said...

Great stuff. I assume I can't just wait for the Revolution DVD to be released...

6:51 AM  

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