Memos Roasting On An Open Fire...

Oh, how nice...A Christmas quiz from a pal. Unfortunately, I don't tag.

So, 'f*ck the rules', as it were...But I will respond, in the spirit of giving.

1. Wrapping or gift bags?

Either, with a preference to simplicity...And in an ideal world, neither.

2. Real or artificial tree?

Like my holiday spirit, artificial.

3. When do you put up the tree?

When I grow weary of being nagged about it.

4. When do you take the tree down?

The nanosecond that my meager holiday cheer expires of natural causes.

5. Do you like egg nog?

As a child, I practically lapped it from a bowl...But not as an adult.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?

The Nasty Book For Boys And Girls, by Bert Fegg.

7. Do you have a nativity scene?

Yes...Nude, and suggestively posed.

8. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?

The presence of unwanted company.

9. Mail or email Christmas cards?

G*d bless the Internet, everyone.

10. Favorite Christmas Movie?

Trading Places, with Ackroyd and Murphy.

11. When do you start shopping for Christmas?

Whenever I see a bargain...Strictly 'thrift for gifts'.

12. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?

My spouse.

13. Clear lights or colored on the tree?

This question certainly could be interpreted in a number of ways.

14. Favorite Christmas song(s)?

F*ck Christmas, by Fear.

15. Travel at Christmas or stay home?

I've done both...As the level of gibbering befuddlement rises, my interest in journeying through it and sharing the moment wanes.

16. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer?

Yes. And so can you.

17. Angel on the tree top or a star?

This year, a star...Santa on a crucifix tends to be somewhat misinterpreted.

18. Open the presents Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning?

With a large Euro-American extended family, the orgy of greed never ends.

19. Most annoying thing about this time of year?

The saturation level of advertising, and phony sentiments expressed oh so sincerely.

20. Do you decorate your tree in any specific theme or color?

This year, yes...Black and red. Quite fetching - But I wasn't able to find suitable barbed wire.

21. What do you leave for Santa?

The dishes...But that lazy potlicker can't be bothered.

22. Least favorite holiday song?

Just about the entire thrice-damned pantheon.

23. Favorite ornament?

See answer 17.

24. Family tradition?

Drinking, and suggestive gossip leading to heated banter and fisticuffs.

25. Ever been to Midnight Mass or late-night Christmas Eve services?

If memory serves, at least once as a child. Did the church catch fire? I'll never tell.

;>)